Saturday, December 27, 2014
You and your scale are not dialoguing. It’s better to put your scale away than have the stress of it sitting there and judging you. Yes, I do believe scales are the original passive aggressives. You probably believe the same thing if you name yours and talk to it like I do. “Oh, hi Elvira. No, no, not today, Elvira. Go (bad word) yourself, Elvira!”
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Are you still eating leftovers from assorted Holiday Festivities? This is an equal opportunity blog so if you don’t see your favorites here, please feel free to suggest others. Look at your fridge? Do you have any of this stuff still in there, even though it may have been reheated or re microwaved at least 13 times: turkey, baccala, shrimp, mussels, pasta, ham, rice, pernille, frogs’ legs, cakes, pies, cookies, sweet potatoes, latkes, stolen, fruitcake, pasteles, goose, gingerbread, bacalao, tamales, and lamb. Finish ‘em off! Mix and match. FYI. I really enjoyed making this list.
Monday: December 29, 2014
Oh, when did this happen? I always start my diet on a Monday. Not this Monday. I will start on January 1st. 2015, even if it is a Thursday. Perhaps, since I am not starting my diet until the New Year, I might want to celebrate the Winter Solstice with a light bite, some wine, some cheese, some nuts, some chips, and just a little bit of that chocolate cake that my husband, Jerome, the Great and Good, says he’s going to eat when I keep threatening to throw it away because it tempts me.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
If you’re like me it’s time to buy your diet planning calendar and a new pen for the New Year. I like 5mm. black pens for my calendars. Very neat. If you are a perfectionist like I am, plan to keep your calendar pristine, no cross-outs, and no substitutions. Using your new pen, set up your diet planner and make a tentative shopping list of the staples you will need to keep on hand. You know the drill. Consider shopping today so when the New Year comes, you can hit the kitchen table eating correctly. There may also be some good sales on sweats and work out clothes. And don’t forget to get a warm hat because you will be out running or walking in the January cold.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Serious countdown now. Last licks. For the first time in my life I understand the meaning of that idiom. Just enough food to wrap up the year and get it all out of your system. Perhaps some bacon wrapped anything, vats of creamy stuff into which you dunk bread and chips, and, of course, the new trend, salted caramel on something….you don’t care if it’s cardboard. And that damn chocolate cake that your husband says he’s going to eat someday is still there in the fridge, looking sad, calling your name.
You look at your pristine diet plan book and swear you will succeed in 2015, for sure. You know you are guilty of perfectionism. Remember that time, when you were on that very serious Diet, and you ate a slice of salami that wasn’t on the plan! The bacchanalian orgy that followed would have put Nero to shame.
Ah, it’s almost time. With homage to Dick Clark, you turn on the TV to Times Square. A few minutes later, the ball starts to drop. You stuff one last chip with spinach artichoke dip into your mouth before the ball hits bottom, and all of that kissing and hugging starts.
Thursday, January 1, 2015: Fifteen Minutes into The New Year.
After kissing your significant other (in my case Jerome the Great and Good) tenderly, he sweetly suggests you share the chocolate cake that has been sitting in the fridge. In your euphoria of the New Year and all of the kissing and hugging, you take a bite, and then you stop. You tenderly say to him, “Oh, what the hell. Let’s eat the rest of the cake!”
A few minutes later, you smack your lips and say, “Oh what the hell. I blew it. The year is shot. I’ll start next year when I can do it right and get a fresh start!
Happy New Year to all, perfectionists included!
The Nothing Expert 