THE HALLOWEEN GUIDE FOR SENIORS

HOW CAN I STAND OUT FROM THE OTHER SENIORS WHO LIVE ON MY BLOCK?

(For every “yes” you give, award yourself with one of the best chocolate candy miniatures you have been hoarding.)

Are you at home, awaiting trick or treaters, instead of being in your gated snowbird condo in another state?

Are you at home, awaiting trick or treaters, instead of escaping to the mall or movies?

Are you able to hear the doorbell, haul yourself out of your chair, and answer the doorbell every five minutes?

If you are taking your grandchildren trick or treating, award yourself with an additional five pieces of candy corn. If you rush home with your grandkids to give treats to other trick or treaters, you really are a Halloween superstar!

WHAT ARE THE RULES FOR ANSWERING THE DOOR TO TRICK OR TREATERS WHEN YOU ARE A SENIOR CITIZEN?

Do you wait for the goblins and princesses to ring the bell before you open the door?  Then, do you shut the door even though you see the next bunch of trick or treaters coming?  You know the fun for them is all about ringing the doorbell and waiting.

HOW DO I INTERACT WITH THE PARENTS OF THE YOUNG TRICK OR TREATERS?

If your doorbell rings at 7 a:m, do you answer it, wearing your  robe and slippers, wave to the young parents, and remember what it was like to be a working mother or father with a young trick or treating child?

If your doorbell rings at 7, 8 or 9, pm…Same answer as above.

If your doorbell rings at 10 or 11pm. Do you answer it, wearing your robe and slippers, and remember what is was like when you were a loony teenager? Their bodies might be bigger, but on Halloween, teenagers are still little kids.

CAN I STILL PURSUE MY SENIOR CITIZEN PLEASURES?

On Friday nights, I usually plan a nice TGIF dinner with wine for my spouse and myself. This year Halloween falls on a Friday night. Should I prepare my dinner and enjoy it with my wine?

Only if you want to kill yourself, waste good wine, and have the little goblins talk about the old people smells.

I have always loved Halloween. Should I dress up in costume to answer the door?

In memory of my dear father….please don’t do what he did. Dad, to answer our door, put on a Tiny Tim wig (Remember, “Tiptoe Through the Tulips”) and took out his teeth. I am sure there are kids—now parents themselves—who were scarred for life! Dad meant well, I swear.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!