On this Earth Day I am contemplating the great outdoors.  Here is how Really Cool People go hiking in the wild.

Really Cool People:

• Always wear red or khaki bandanas,
• Never wear pink flowered scarves designed to draw the eye upwards and away from the butt.
• Always carry matches.
• Never carry handbags.
• Always pack a light snack of nuts and raisins and lots of water.
• Never pack pickled herring with creamed onions in a Tupperware container.
• Always squint their eyes and say words like “I reckon…”
• Never screw up their noses and say words like “Oy.”
• Always have weather-beaten feral faces and look formidable.
• Never have flushed sweaty faces and look like they are about to drop dead.
• Always wear weathered khaki short shorts, and baseball caps.
• Never wear blue plaid Bermuda shorts with a matching baby blue solid shirt, and a white sunhat with chin straps.
• Always nod and say hello to other hikers who look just like them.
• Never acknowledge people like me.